


Before You Go

by GoldTitaniumMaiden



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Damian Wayne Feels, Damian Wayne Needs a Hug, Dick Grayson mentioned, Gen, One Shot, References to Depression, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24315889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldTitaniumMaiden/pseuds/GoldTitaniumMaiden
Summary: Before you goWas there something I could've said to make your heart beat better?If only I'd have known you had a storm to weatherSo, before you goWas there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?It kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthlessSo, before you go...
Relationships: Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne
Comments: 10
Kudos: 91





	Before You Go

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written a song fic but I could not get this out of my head even as I was trying to write new chapters for my other fics so I finally had to get this out. 
> 
> Song: Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi
> 
> Enjoy!

_ I fell by the wayside like everyone else _

_ I hate you, I hate you, I hate you _

_ But I was just kidding myself _

_ Our every moment, I start to replace _

_ 'Cause now that they're gone _

_ All I hear were the words that I needed to say _

“I hate you so much.” It was the first time he’d said it since Damian came back to life. In Tim’s defense he’d been functioning for over 8 hours without his precious caffeine and it’s not as though the brat had done anything too bad… he’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

He’d just gotten his perfect cup of joy and was happily on his way to his room to live chat with his boyfriend Kon and the little monster tripped him! 

“What the hell is wrong with you!” His coffee was gone spilling over the floorboards and Tim was almost desperate enough to think about licking it off the wood… almost.

“I was here first Drake.” Damian answered glaring down his nose at Tim. He was stretched out in the hallway just in front of the staircase, a sketchbook in his lap, what he had been sketching Tim didn’t know or care. 

“Trying to break my neck is more like it.” 

“Tt. If I wanted to do that. I would have.” Damian rolled his eyes “It’s not my fault you do not pay attention to your surroundings. It’s a wonder that you haven’t died on patrol yet Drake.” 

“You’d like that wouldn’t you.” He shook his head, getting up and glaring at his now empty cup. “I hate you so much. I don’t know why we bothered to bring you back.” He grumbled stepping around the puddle and down stairs to get more coffee. It took exactly 1 minute for Tim to register what he said that had him forgetting all about his coffee and turning to get back up stairs. 

Damian was already gone. Shit. Tim sat on the staircase and rubbed his temples.

He hadn’t really talked to Damian much since they’d brought him back to life. There just hadn’t been time… well no that was a lie. Tim hadn’t wanted to make time, he didn’t know how to talk to Damian. He never had. 

His death had brought so much to the surface that Tim didn’t want to deal with. All that guilt all the things he should have said to Damian and didn’t. And now he had that chance but the words always seemed to slip away. 

He nodded to himself. He would talk to Damian. He would say all those things… after he got his coffee and maybe a nap… yeah, that would work. 

_ When you hurt under the surface _

_ Like troubled water running cold _

_ Well, time can heal but this won't _

_ So, before you go _

_ Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better? _

_ If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather _

_ So, before you go _

_ Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting? _

_ It kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthless _

_ So, before you go _

_ ~~~ _

That could have gone better. Damian hadn’t meant to trip Drake, he was just into his work and-- much like the older teen-- had not been paying attention. He slumped down onto his bed and opened up his sketchbook. The first half was filled with monstrous images, creatures of pure horror that plagued Damian’s every waking moment. 

But the last half; the part Damian was currently working on was a collage of his family. He’d done Grayson first, His father, Pennyworth (not the cat, though he was in there too), and Tim. He could draw the others from memory but Tim was a bit of a challenge. He’d never drawn the older Robin before. 

He was someone Damian was just beginning to know, now that he wasn’t looking at him as a constant threat. Actually he was more concerned just from observing the older boy. He lived terribly. It was a shock to Damian that his own habits hadn’t killed Tim long before Damian had attempted to.

Although let’s face it Alfred probably derived more credit than Tim in his survival. He snorted inwardly only to stop and sigh. 

What was he even doing? He’d hoped this would keep the demons at bay but that darkness clung to him. Damian had thought maybe things would be different coming back home, but nothing really changed at all. He still did the same things. Lashed out, pushed them all away and hoped maybe they’d see past that and give him the comfort he needed. But that hadn’t worked before, it wasn’t working now. 

This was his fault. 

  
  


_ Was never the right time whenever you called _

_ Went little by little by little until there was nothing at all _

_ Our every moment, I start to replay _

_ But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face _

_ When you hurt under the surface _

_ Like troubled water running cold _

_ Well, time can heal but this won't _

Jason looked at his phone for the nth time in the last week and rolled his eyes, tossing it aside. He wasn’t sure what the tater tot wanted but Jason did not want to deal with him right at this moment. 

He had enough to deal with without having to worry about Damian and his problems. He wasn’t going to turn into Golden Boy’s replacement. Why didn’t the kid just talk to Alfred if he wanted an ear, surely the old man was better than Jason by far when it came to listening. 

Or didn’t the twerp have any friends?

Probably not. Jason answered his own question. Damian was pretty annoyingly uptight and snobbish. Jason would have punched him if they’d met as kids hell some days he still wanted to punch him. 

Besides all that Jason was still smarting from the whole resurrection fiasco. Sure it was more bruce’s fault, he's the one who’d put Jason back through hell to get answers, but part of him blamed the kid anyway. Bruce had fought tooth and nail to get Damian back, why couldn’t he have done the same for Jason? Why didn’t he care as much back then? 

No it was much easier to ignore the calls eventually Damian would get the message. 

_ So, before you go _

_ Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better? _

_ If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather _

_ So, before you go _

_ Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting? _

_ It kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthless _

_ So, before you go _

_ ~~~ _

Damian was struggling; the memories of hell haunted him and getting back to the normality of everyday life was proving a difficult task. He felt so scattered as if a part of him was still back there. 

He wasn’t sleeping, couldn’t eat, he felt like a ghost of himself just going through the motions. So he called the only one he could. Todd had been dead before, maybe he could help. But the man never answered. It didn't matter how many times he tried he was left with an answering machine. 

And he was left feeling like a bunch of broken pieces. 

_ Would we be better off by now _

_ If I'd have let my walls come down _

_ Maybe I guess we'll never know _

_ You know _

_ You know _

“Master Bruce!” Alfred’s voice was so frantic it had Bruce standing up immediately at the urgency. One look at his pseudo fathers face made a chill sweep through his body. “He’s gone, Master Damian.” 

Bruce’s fear turned instantly to anger. He’d been keeping Damian in away from patrols. He admitted he was afraid to lose him again. But Damian had no right to break those rules. 

“Do you know when he left, we’ll search along his patrol routes.” 

Alfred just shook his head. “No, I mean he’s gone, his room-” Bruce moved past Alfred and up the stairs Tim trailed along behind him. The man didn’t understand what Alfred was trying to say until he got there. The room was spotless, exactly as it had before Damian had lived there, a normal guest room. 

None of them knew what to say. The usual art stuff that was in the corner was gone, the desk was empty. The only thing left of Damian’s was Alfred the cat snoozing on the bed, and Titus whining by the door shuffling back and forth. 

Tim looked around “I don’t understand? He just left? Where does he have to go? Why?” Nobody could answer his questions. 

Bruce demanded that they go look for him. They searched all night and the only sign they found of him was an easel and other miscellaneous items in a dumpster, the things that were too big for Damian to take with him. 

And a letter. Bruce had hoped it would lead him to his son but it was just a simple note straight to the point, letting Bruce know that he was not going back to his mothers and that he had no reason to worry that Damian might kill someone as if that was what worried Bruce. 

His son out there in the dark. Alone. 

Why did he leave, why did his boy go? He didn’t understand it, he’d just gotten him back and now he was gone again except this time it was almost worse because he was out there in the world. He could need Bruce’s help and the man would never know. He’d never know if his son was alive or not. 

How did it come to this? Was there something he could have done? Had he missed the signs? What was his baby going through that he thought he couldn’t turn to his dad? 

Or had he and Bruce been to blind to see? 

_ Before you go _

_ Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better? _

_ If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather _

_ So, before you go _

_ Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting? _

_ It kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthless _

_ So, before you go _

_ ~~~ _

Damian had done everything he could. He tried to be everything that his father wanted. The perfect son and yet all he ever saw was his father’s back turned to him. An impregnable wall. 

Bruce had told him countless times that he was acting childish but Damian was a child, one that needed his father. 

In the end he was just tired of trying. Tired of fighting and failing. He wouldn’t ruin the efforts his family had taken to bring him back by killing himself. He was grateful for what they had done, knew how much of a struggle it had been. But he couldn’t stay either. He was falling apart in that house. It wasn’t home anymore, maybe it never had been.

No. That wasn’t right, it had been once. But the one who had made it so was gone from this world, out of reach to him. 

Another reason not to die, he had to live because Grayson couldn’t. Maybe he could join the circus, yes, he’d met everyone at Haley’s before, perhaps they would allow him to accompany them even for only a small while. 

**Author's Note:**

> As I was writing this I actually thought it might make a great fanfic Damian running away to the circus. Maybe meeting Dick as Agent 37.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think or if you'd be interested in that at all. Otherwise this will just stay a one shot.


End file.
